The subtle art of flirting without “flirting”

In the movie Hitch, Alex Hitchens (Will Smith) is a date doctor and helps men in the game of approaching women and building a relationship. The central theme of the movie is about him falling for Sara Melas (Eva Mendes) and trying to build a connection with her. None of his romantic methodologies work with Sara and he is pushed to come up with a different strategy.

Alex’s inability to approach Sara, despite being an expert in the field of dating, gives hope to everyone who finds it challenging to approach someone they are interested in. Alex’s usual methodologies are centered around the concept of making romantic advances and that is a gross generalization.

Flirting usually has a sexual and playful connotation to it, and that needs to be removed for everyone to be able to engage in this art. Flirting can be looked at as a strategic communication methodology to let the other person know you are interested.

Why strategic?

Simple answer: People aren’t the same and not everyone is interested in receiving romantic advancements or lines filled with coy words. Expressing interest for another person can be done in a multitude of ways; depending on their own limitations and what the other person might be interested in.

The most important piece of information to be remembered is to not compromise on one’s personality. An attempt to be romantic, when that isn’t the core of one’s character, may help in forming a relationship with a person, but it will definitely not be sustainable. Especially, if the intentions are to be in a long-term relationship. Else, go full throttle on firing bullets based on the target.

It is vital to have a strategy that is in alignment with your personality so that character strengths can be leveraged. Once the strength is identified, make the communication (flirting). If possible, find a common ground so that it gives a sense of comfort to both parties, and to an extent, it may even help to cushion possible shocks.

Once the communication has been made, taking it further is trial and error. No expert has the right to comment on the next steps as there are too many variables, and people should be wary of anyone trying to advise on what needs to be done.

Krishna is considered the god of love and compassion. According to him, one only has the right to perform one’s prescribed duties, and aren’t entitled to the fruits of their actions. Never see yourself to be the cause of the outcomes of your activities. So, if the communication doesn’t reap desired results, rinse, and repeat with another person.

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