God complex

Close to a decade back, when I was in high school, I saw this movie titled MALICE which released in the year 1993. It stars Nicole Kidman, Alec Baldwin, and Bill Pullman in the lead roles. It isn’t a famous movie, but I simply fell in love with the plot, especially a concept that I heard for the first time- God complex.

Back then, I was relatively unaware of what drove me/inspired me, but this got into my head, and I connected with it really well.

So, what is god complex?

Simply put, it is a belief that your skills are unshakable and there is no room for you to go wrong in any scenario. It is a complex that is characterized by extreme vanity and narcissism. You feel a sense of supreme power at all times, and you basically feel you can do anything without getting questioned.

In the movie Malice, Alec Baldwin is a highly decorated surgeon, and his character has got god complex. Majority of the movie revolves around how Dr Jed Hill (played by Alec Baldwin) gets sued for a surgery that he carried out on a woman which led to her losing both her ovaries. After finding out she won’t be able to have kids, she decides to sue.

During the initial trial, there is a scene where he claims that he doesn’t have god complex, but instead he thinks of himself as GOD!

So, the important question - what does it got to do with me? Why am I writing about it?

I will say this without any false modesty.

I have a god complex.

May be not to the extent of what is portrayed by Alec Baldwin’s character, but I definitely do have it. Even though I admitted openly about having a god complex, I also make the effort to keep it in check so that it doesn’t cause self destruction, more importantly, destroy/ wrongly impact the audience that is subjected to me the most- my students.

Unlike those who take up the profession of teaching for noble reasons, I train/teach to nurse my god complex. Every single time I walk into a class, I feel the power of being able to make an impact in a child’s life, and it gives me that feeling of playing god. I can feel how every word I direct towards my students can pretty much change the course of their life. I have seen it happen, and it is addictive.

This is not to say that I blindly walk into a class without any preparation. I usually spent hours visualizing and preparing how my class would unfold by meticulously preparing a script. I still make it a point to make flash cards just to avoid missing any of the case studies/stories I have prepared.

Again, the reason why I prepare extensively is to ensure that I get to play god.

Initially, I was concerned when I realized this was my primary reason for teaching, but the moment I fully accepted it, it helped me fully understand what drives me as a person, and also become a better teacher.

I will be blatant- the reason why I have been interested in social work is not only because I want to help. It is because I get a chance to play god by being able to make decisions and take action that would bring about a change in another person’s life. It is cynical to a certain extent, but that’s the simple truth.

Thank you for reading!

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