Dating your female version
I have had my fair share of being in relationships, and every time one didn’t work out, I would naturally wonder what exactly is the formula for sustaining one. Before I jumped into the next one, I have always tried to give enough time for introspection to learn from my mistakes, so that I would avoid chasing a rebound.
I had already crossed off the options of dating my first love; dating someone I felt was the perfect fit; dating someone who was radically different from me, but loved me to the moon and back. Thanks to my complex view of relationships, I started the 3rd relationship by imposing a lot of rules, and in hindsight, I totally feel like I was the major shareholder in burning the relationship down to soot.
By now, I had started assuming that it was the lack of similarity of interests between me and the girl that was causing my relationships to falter.
I am generally very rational about life, and don’t usually heed into things like coincidence or fate. But, life presented with exactly what I thought I should get into for a relationship to last- date someone with similar interests!
I ended up meeting a girl who was, for lack of a better phrase, a female version of me. Our interests were so common, we got tired of saying ‘I love doing the same’ when the other mentioned about an interest or a hobby. Our views about life were so aligned, it sometimes creeped me out. I was able to respect the free-spirited girl she was because it was something I consciously tried to nurture in myself.
More than anything else, what excited me was that she was a hardcore traveller, and not a tourist. The kind you can take on a backpacking trip, and wouldn’t complain about lack of facilities or comfort. Someone who would most certainly accentuate your experience of the place because you are in synergy with the person. The way she approached travelling was something very similar to how I viewed it- a learning experience. She was so obsessed about travelling, she would plan the next trip in the midst of one.
To top all this, she knew how to ride a bike. Not just any bike, but a bullet. There is something very attractive about a woman who can handle heavy machinery with swag! I was simply tired of giving her brownie points!
There are a lot of other things that we had in common, but I don’t feel I have reached a comfort level with my readers to be open about it. But, you all can take my word for it.
Few months passed, and we were continuing to ride the waves together. It was the peak of excitement I had ever felt in a relationship!
Then, slowly, my panic buttons got pushed. The same ones that got pushed in my previous relationships when it was about to end. By now, I had reached a point in life wherein I wouldn’t ignore the red flags that would get hoisted in front of me. With experience, I had developed the faculty of not ignoring such signals, and hoping for things to get better in the future. I have gone down that path, and it isn’t something I wanted to walk again.
I didn’t immediately confront her because somewhere deep down I knew she really liked being in the relationship, but that didn’t stop me from feeling something wasn’t right.
As much as I enjoyed the companionship this girl offered, I respected my time too much, and I felt it was time for me to end it, or at least have the series of uncomfortable conversations that usually culminate in termination of a relationship.
I gave her some breathing space, and after sometime when I noticed that things were continuing to head south, I knew it was time to pull the plug. All the similarities that I shared with the girl wasn’t enough to sustain the relationship. In hindsight, we were just glued by the fun elements we embraced in life. We never really thought about how both of us would respond to adversities within the relationship as a couple. We ignored this completely because both us were starry eyed about how similar we were, and how it would be so much fun to lead a life together doing things we both enjoy. It was difficult to let go, but I have learnt to brace short term pain over long term suffering.
It sucks when I think that I have just crossed one more option from my dating permutation, but it wasn’t something I yearned for. Probably, next time I need to wish for what I want with the exact details to the universe!
Disclaimer: When it comes to dating, I have realized, nobody in this planet qualifies for giving advice. The number of variables are too high, and those who even attempt to advice must caution themselves from doing so to respect the uniqueness of every relationship, and not clouding people who read their advice with a standardized checklist or pointers for nurturing the relationship. What I wrote above is solely my experience, and it shouldn’t stop you from getting into a similar relationship, or for that matter, it shouldn’t encourage you to chase a similar one.
Tread with caution!
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